Marriage Announcements

Nicole and I never did a marriage announcement in the newspaper. Mostly because we think they are a little pretentious and stuffy. The New York Times wedding announcements are notoriously so. Dating back to the 1800s, they normally delve into useless details such as what the bride's father did for a living and where the groom went to college. Does any of that really matter unless you're seeking to impress people? Sometimes, though the combination of the old-fashioned social announcement and modern-day complex relationship yields strange results. Take, for example, this recent New York Times announcement. It contains the normal bride and groom impressive pedigrees (he from Yale and a medical degree from Albert Einstein, she from University of Michigan and a law degree from Harvard), their parents' jobs and how they met. But Nicole and I noticed this little tidbit about the bride: "Her previous marriage ended in divorce." OK? Why include that? I guess to note to friends and family that this is her second foray into marriage. But then: "His two previous marriages ended in divorce." OK. So this is swing number #3 for Mr. Bridegroom. Not sure why this is relevant in a MARRIAGE announcement, but hey, it's their notice. The kicker in this announcement was that the guy asked the woman to CONVERT her religion on their second date. Yes, that's right. How in the world did that conversation go? "Hey, where did you grow up? Do you have any siblings? Do you want to switch religions or something?" Gotta be a little awkward. Well, we wish them both the best. And, in the same spirit, I have drafted Nicole's and my wedding announcement:

Nicole Jeanette Jala and Steven Sheppard DiCesare

Nicole Jeanette Jala and Steven Sheppard DiCesare, Esq. were married on May 23, 2009 at East Wind in Wading River, New York. Deacon Fred Finter officiated. The bride, 28, may keep her name, or might change it. She hasn't decided yet. She is a Contracts Manager at Google. The groom, 32, is keeping his name. He is an attorney at Hughes Hubbard & Reed, LLP. They both graduated from some college and Mr. DiCesare got a law degree. Woo-hoo, aren't we all so impressed.

Ms. Jala and Mr. DiCesare met while she was a disgruntled and lowly paralegal and he was an over-worked and harried associate. Ms. Jala humiliated Mr. DiCesare in front of the entire firm and then attempted to get him fired. He responded by asking her out on a date. "I couldn't stand him." Ms. Jala said. "I'm pretty sure she liked me. Or she hated me. Either way, she did have an opinion about me," Mr. DiCesare stated. Their first date was to a restaurant where Mr. DiCesare got lost trying to find. Beyond all rational explanation, Ms. Jala enjoyed the first date and agreed to go on another one, contingent only upon Mr. DiCesare printing out the directions to the next restaurant before hand.

They dated for three years and on Valentine's Day 2008, Mr. DiCesare proposed on the top of the Empire State Building. Ms. Jala does not recall the incident. They began to search for a wedding venue shortly thereafter. After viewing every reception hall, hotel ballroom and Knights of Columbus meeting lodge in New York state, the couple decided to marry at East Wind in Wading River. "We chose it because of the beautiful space and their wonderful food," Ms. Jala said. "We chose it after throwing a dart on the wall at a bunch of brochures," Mr. DiCesare said. "It was that or I would have gone insane." "Be quiet," Ms. Jala said.

The bride and groom will live in Hoboken, New Jersey, where Ms. Jala claims she is being "held captive." They will reside there and in their storage unit, which will house all of their wedding gifts that do not fit in their small apartment.